Afraid of Needles
by bmo-galaxy
Summary: Dean has a secret that he's been afraid to tell Castiel. Finally, he decides that he trusts Cas and feels safe enough to tell him. And Castiel is by his side every step of the way. (FTM!Dean)


Cas had never asked why they did it. Never asked what they were doing there. Never asked if everything was okay. He'd always kept his mouth shut and his lips pursed when they pulled into the hospital parking lots. Sam would pull something out of the glove compartment and discretely hand it to Dean. The freckled man would go into the hospital for half an hour, sometimes an hour. When he came out, he'd be smiling and seem to be somehow _lighter. _The oldest Winchester would jump into the Impala, hand the object back to Sam and they'd be off.

Then one day, when they pulled into a hospital parking lot in rural Iowa, Dean killed the engine of the Impala and turned to Sam. This time, the younger Winchester grabbed the mysterious object from the glove compartment and set it on the center console. The fallen angel looked at it curiously and found that it was a tiny bottle. Squinting, he looked up at the brothers and found that Sam was getting out of the car. He opened the back door and motioned for Castiel to get out.

"He has something he needs to tell you."

Cas just nodded mutely and moved to the passenger seat of the car. Sam closed the door behind him and walked away from the car. Cas only watched him for a moment before looking at the man beside him. Dean looked nervous, he was fiddling with a stray thread on his jacket and refusing to look at Castiel. The longer they sat in silence, the harder Castiel's heart beat in his chest.

And right when it was about to explode, Dean looked up at him with uncertain green eyes.

"Sam ,uh, mentioned that you'd been with us for a while and we had never explained these stops. And I thought about it a lot before I decided that I felt safe with you, safe telling you. So, here we are."

The angel nodded at the words and gave a small smile, hoping to encourage Dean to continue speaking.

The smile seemed to do the trick and his whole frame relaxed against the driver's seat of the Impala.

"Well, we come to the hospital so that I can get, uhm, hormone replacement therapy." A light blush dusted the man's face.

Castiel blinked at him for a moment and squinted a little, not completely understanding what he was saying.

"Why do you require hormone replacement therapy, Dean?" His voice was honestly curious, no malice hidden in it. Dean took that as a good sign and cleared his throat.

"Dean, I'm transgender. I was assigned female at birth and when it never felt right. I knew that it wasn't right. I started hormone therapy in secret when I was fourteen. I didn't tell my dad until I was nearly sixteen," Dean smiled softly at the memory of his father's reaction, "My dad hugged me and told me that I was his child and hunter. He accepted me no matter what."

Dean looked over to his companion, a little bit of hesitation in his eyes.

"I had top surgery the day I turned eighteen. Sam accepted it pretty easily, saying that I was his older bro from now on. Simple as that."

Cas glanced out the window at Sam, who was leaning against a light pole a few yards away. His arms were crossed over his broad chest and he had a look of fiercely protective about him. It seemed that this time, it was the little brother protecting the older, not the other way around.

Castiel looked back to Dean, who looked so vulnerable in that moment. Cas gently took the bottle off the console and read the label. It was testosterone.

"Why come to a hospital? I am sure that you are fully capable of self-injecting?"

Dean laughed nervously at that and his freckled cheeks glowed with a blush. "I'm a little squeamish with needles. So is Sam, so neither of us could do it unless we absolutely have to. I've done it a few times in a pinch but I prefer to come to a hospital. A nurse does it nice and quick and I don't get nauseated. Wins all around." He was still chuckling nervously.

Castiel nodded his head and observed Dean's profile. He understood that this was a big moment for the other man, who in that moment, was no different a person that he had come to know. Cas had always been taught to hate mindlessly and follow blindly. It had always made him uncomfortable and now, he had the power and self-respect to follow what he believed was right.

Opening the door, he stepped out of the Impala and gently closed the door. He noticed Sam heading toward him, his jaw clenched and his eyes burning. Cas held up a placating hand and the youngest Winchester slowed down his gate. His face cleared of anger and settled back into his usual, passive expression. He smiled a small smile and nodded.

Rounding the car, Cas opened Dean's door and offered his hand.

"You are afraid of needles, I'll come with you," he said matter-of-factly, his hand still held out. Dean looked at it with wide, uncertain eyes before he broke out in his normal, breathtaking smile and put his hand in Cas'.

"Alright."

Together, the two of them walked into the hospital. And half an hour later, the two of them walked out, still hand in hand.

Castiel would never tell a soul about the way Dean squeezed his hand when the nurse brought in the needle.

Every time after that, they would walk hand in hand into the hospitals. And when they were stuck on a hunt or too far away from a clinic, Castiel would do so neither Sam or Dean needed to.

And Dean never felt happier or safer.


End file.
